This feeling happens on a rare occasion now but when it does it is all I can think about. My body is sore, the weather changed, I had a migraine last night as a result. Thankfully, a sumatriptan, Tylenol, Benadryll, and a little caffeine from my pre-workout was enough to rid me of the migraine and allow me to sleep. My next steps to the migraine staying away are my morning workouts, stretching, and tomorrow I am going to my chiropractor for an adjustment as it has been over a month. When I go past a month of no adjustment I start to feel this way again. Adjustments are key to my natural way of life!
Now, in the past, weather changes and migraines resulted in me being bedridden. Throwing up. Unable to function.
Thankfully, I have trained my brain to be strong and push through but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me angry. See, feeling like crap you can’t help but be angry about it. Physical pain is so much more than the way your body feels. It does something to your mindset that is very hard to shake. It creates this resentment towards the pain that leads to wanting to do anything to get rid of it.
What makes this worse for me when I feel this way now is that I forget how terrible this actually feels because 90% of the time I feel so damn good! It is hard to look back and think that I used to live like this almost every day. I woke up feeling like this and it took my meds, moving, food, time, pushing through the pain to get out of the house.
I honestly missed many physical therapy appointments because I just couldn’t get moving. I had a reputation for sure at PT, it wasn’t that I did not care, I just couldn’t move. This was a two-part issues. One, the physical pain I endured was severe and impacted me 24/7, two, the mental pain I experienced did not build me up and push me to fight to get my life back, instead it made me want to take more meds, have a drink, smoke a blunt, and go back to bed or lay on the couch and watch TV all day.
I was really great at knowing what was on TV from the time I woke up to the very late time that I went to bed. This repeated daily for quite some time, morning shows, talk shows, soap operas, afternoon talk shows, evening news, wheel of fortune, reruns of “The 70’s show”, then the night time line up depending on what night it was.
This was a lonely, secluded life. This life drove me even more crazy and led me to numbing more of my pain. Not being able to enjoy going out to dance with my friends without drugging myself up was a really bad side effect of my injuries. I really could not enjoy much of anything that involved walking or standing. Thus, leading me to a life that was filled with drug abuse.
See, you don’t have to go to an illegal dealer when you have a legal one you see monthly! It was justified too, I had injuries, bad ones, ones that caused intense pain. I will have to blog about this more later!
Well, this turned in to an entirely different post so lets get back to where I began.
I am struggling today. I managed to finally get up out of bed 40 minutes after my first alarm.
I finally worked out, a 60 minute workout took me 90 minutes.
I got my son to school after getting gas, going back home to get his Mickey Mouse, and then got to work after traffic due to the snow.
I picked up a K-cup of half-caff coffee from my sons school and started with that at work. I never drink coffee anymore, I love it, but I do not need it. Today I did.
I took two alieve and I feel much better. Tomorrow I go to the chiropractor and should feel a lot better.
What I will never go back to, never, is my meds. I am never going back to opiates, muscle relaxers, nerve meds, anti-inflamatory meds, ambien, etc! NEVER.
I use my nutrition, super food shakes (both have changed my life), and personal development books to stay strong mentally and physically.
I stay strong and even though today was a day I wanted those meds so just “fix” me, I know that the “fix” is only ever temporary and that I have found an answer that does not require scripts or surgeries!
Kimberly Hill (Reeb) 